(Image: Marsha P. Johnson (left) and Sylvia Rivera march in New York in 1973.)

Inviting In: The New “Coming Out”

by Joshua Polk, SoCal Club Program Coordinator

For many of us, National Coming Out Day (October 11) and LGBTQ History Month provide a moment to reflect on our personal journey and discovery into the depths of our sexual orientation or gender identity. Whether you identify as trans, lesbian, non-binary, queer, asexual, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or intersex, your journey is unique and should be celebrated by all. Although, identifying however you desire should be a basic human right, many queer folks find themselves combatting insurmountable ignorance from society, their communities, and their families. While I love the messaging of being out and being proud, the journey to that stage of your queer identity development isn’t where it begins. I am a proud, Black, gay man but it has taken years for me to courageously walk in my truth. My journey started off quietly and my dive into gay culture was subtle. I came out little by little, or however much my anxiety would allow in the moment.

“The idea of coming out carries the expectation of this big moment that all queer folks encounter where they profess this huge secret to the world. In my opinion, coming out is an integration of how I identify sexually with the rest of the identities that I align with.”

The idea of coming out carries the expectation of this big moment that all queer folks encounter where they profess this huge secret to the world. In my opinion, coming out is an integration of how I identify sexually with the rest of the identities that I align with. Coming out signifies a sense of wholeness and fullness that I work to maintain day in and day out. I think this is especially the case for queer folks of color, who experience increased amounts of challenges just waking up and facing the world. BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) communities continue to face blatant racism, marginalization, micro-aggressions, and other oppressive tactics 24-hours of each day that they walk in this world. This undoubtedly provides unique challenges and barriers to coming out. Not only do we face these particular issues, we also grew up in a country that has white-washed our cultural history and our LGBTQ history. There is no possible way to talk about the gay liberation movement without talking about the BIPOC queer folks that fought tirelessly for the rights of LGBTQ community, even when the white, gay community didn’t accept them. It is important to understand that the gay liberation movement took its framework from the civil rights movement. How can you have pride in who you are if you don’t have a comprehensive understanding of your history.

“I am full of pride because I recognize that I am standing on the backs and shoulders of Marsha P. Johnson, Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin, Audre Lord, Miss Major, and Alvin Ailey. It is in their stories and their struggles that I ground my Black, gay experience.”

I am full of pride because I recognize that I am standing on the backs and shoulders of Marsha P. Johnson, Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin, Audre Lord, Miss Major, and Alvin Ailey. It is in their stories and their struggles that I ground my Black, gay experience. It is through their resilience and determination that I continue to find my voice and use it to support BIPOC folks far and wide. The rich history of Black, gay folks specifically, has given me the courage to invite others into my experience. The idea of “inviting in” is much more intimate and empowering to me. I am inviting you into something that is sacred and personal, something everyone may not deserve to have access to. I can “come out” all day, every day and the only thing people will know about me is that I’m gay, but why does that even matter? An article by the Human Rights Campaign stated, “When people know someone who is LGBTQ, they are far more likely to support equality under the law.” While I think this is cute, we need much more in today’s social climate. We need people to demand equality! This can be done by creating healthy environments, so people feel safe enough to invite us in. People should feel safe enough to share their pain, challenges, hopes, and desires. The sharing of intimate moments and experiences provides us all with the opportunity to expand ourselves empathically, thus creating a willingness to be vulnerable and transparent. The idea of coming out is great, but the experience of inviting in allows us to see each other holistically as we create lasting connections that transcend sexual orientations and gender identity.

Happy National Inviting In Day!

Joshua Polk is the Program Coordinator at SoCal Club, a part of Men’s Health Foundation. He also leads the monthly “M-Group” for BIPOC LGBTQ+ youth, and leads the weekly SoCal Connect virtual series alongside Donnie Hue Frazier and Edgardo Medina.

Free services at SoCal Club include STI/HIV testing, PrEP and PEP access, virtual social groups, therapy sessions, and fitness classes. Read more about SoCal Club or call 323-905-5675 for more information.